The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize