I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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