I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
