i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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