I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
