So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
