I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
