I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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