??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
