she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
