You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
