I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
