THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
