On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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