Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
