dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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