if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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