dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
