I can't breathe out the right side of my face
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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