So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
