I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize