Betty ford says i'm here all night
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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