I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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