I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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