so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
