How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Welp...herpes.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
