You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
