how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
