There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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