I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
