I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
