I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
