Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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