Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize