We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
