But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am midnight drunk by noon
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
