I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
