Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
