I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
