No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
