My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
