You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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