I am spending my child support on dildos
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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