he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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