seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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