I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
