dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
