do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
