This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
