The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
