I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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