he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
