Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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