you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
