It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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