Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
