i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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