the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
