I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
