I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
