i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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