just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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