my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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