Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
