Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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