Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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