I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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