she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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