STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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