i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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