vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
did i just pee glitter
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
