What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
