My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
