Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
