How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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