Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
