when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He passed out mid-signature
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
