And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish you could order shots online.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
