So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
