Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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