Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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