SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize