It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
