you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
