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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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