i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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