So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize