I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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