my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
