this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You left your phone here
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