I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
