She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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