"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
