I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
