This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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