I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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