This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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