You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
