You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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