I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
