Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
